I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I suppose no more than usual; you never really can stop, can you? You can fill yourself to bursting with frivolity, you can bang your head against the wall, but if you're alive, I can guarantee you're thinking.
But anyway. Lately, I've been thinking about life. How the struggle in it never stops. Just when you feel like you've found some firm footing, that everything is great, some new monster comes begging to be conquered. This summer, I was going to go to french summer camp in Riviere-du-loup. at that point in time, I'll not lie, I was a bit socially challenged. I had some friends, yes, but I was still terrified of having to meet new people. I was so awkward, so bumbling, I felt sure no one would give me the time of day. I forcasted for myself a summer of hermitage. But then I actually went. Though I was pretty freaked out at first, pretty soon I found myself actually making friends. Mon Dieu! It was a miracle. No. It was me. Growing! fluorishing. it was terrifying, but I pulled through it, and grew from it.
I remember that summer, I was walking down a street with Mei Ling, and we stopped to make a wish on the seeds of these humungous dandilions. I braced myself and decided to wish that when I got back to school in september, it wouldn't be to find someone I liked a lot with another girl. I was complacent with myself by the time school did roll around, and lo and behold! There he was with a girl I could never have matched. so with a good bit of fist shaking, I cursed the skies. But soon enough, I found I wasn't dying. I went on living in spite of having to face this enormous beast. and soon enough, it happened again. Growth. Evolution of me! Inner strength and all that whatnot.
so i've drawn a conclusion. Things suck. a lot sometimes. In life, just when we're getting cozy, and complacent, terrifying monsters leap at us from the shadows of our worst nightmares. but we don't die from fear or despair. If we fight, we conquer. And we find ourselves stronger people as a result. Life is a bildungsroman, not a picaresque!